How Self Psychology Can Help You Thrive

Have you ever wondered why some relationships feel like they fill you up, while others leave you feeling drained? Or why certain moments of being deeply understood feel so healing? These are questions that self psychology, a theory developed by Heinz Kohut, seeks to answer. Let me take you on a quick journey through this perspective and show you how it might help you find clarity, growth, and balance in your life.

Understanding Self Psychology: It’s All About Connections

At its core, self psychology focuses on the roles others play in shaping our sense of self. But here’s the twist: it’s less about “them” and more about what they do for us emotionally. These people—let’s call them emotional supports—provide the psychological functions we need to feel whole and balanced. Think of an emotional support as a mirror reflecting back validation or an anchor keeping you steady.

When these functions are disrupted in childhood, or when life throws us curveballs later on, we might struggle with feelings of emptiness, self-doubt, or even anxiety. That’s where therapy can step in to repair and realign those functions.

What Therapy Can Do: A Safe Space to Grow

One of the fascinating ideas in self psychology is that we’re always evolving in our need for emotional supports. As children, we might need approval or protection. As adults, we seek understanding and shared values. Therapy becomes a unique space where unmet emotional needs—from any stage of life—can safely come to light. In this process, you can begin to:

Feel deeply understood. It’s not just about being heard but feeling like your inner world truly matters.
Heal old wounds. Therapy provides an opportunity to revisit and resolve unmet needs, offering what Kohut called “optimal frustration”—just the right amount of challenge to foster growth without feeling overwhelmed.
Internalize strength. Over time, the support and understanding you receive in therapy can become part of your inner toolkit, helping you handle life’s challenges with resilience and confidence.
Why This Matters for You

Self psychology isn’t just for people with major life crises. It’s for anyone who feels stuck, disconnected, or out of sync with themselves or others. Maybe you’re navigating a relationship breakdown, a career crossroads, or simply feeling a gnawing sense that something’s missing. The beauty of this approach is its compassion: there’s no judgment here—only curiosity about how to help you feel whole again.

My Role in Your Journey

As a psychologist, I aim to create a space where you feel understood and supported, where your emotional needs are seen and honored. Together, we’ll explore the patterns that have shaped your life and work toward creating new ones that empower you. Whether it’s rediscovering your confidence, finding joy in relationships, or simply feeling more at peace with yourself, I’m here to walk that path with you.

If this resonates with you, take the next step. Therapy isn’t about fixing you—it’s about helping you unlock the potential that’s already there. Let’s work together to build a life where you feel connected, understood, and truly thriving.